It’s definitely been a busy time for me. Lots of activity… Travel, pressure at work, and now my wife and I are trying to buy a house. The whole house thing has gone from nothing to everything over the course of a week, but it looks like it’s maybe cinched-up now, so, great!
Tonight I had this real quivery feeling of looking for the next task to manage and then realized that there wasn’t anything I could do. Everything is in place, things need to just unfold. I guess we did it. Time to relax?
I do worry a bit when I go through these bursts of activity that I’m not paying enough attention to artistic pursuits (writing), or not nourishing myself enough with meaningful things (reading might be an example). But on the other hand, taking on too much stuff satisfies in its own way. It’s like jogging a little further than you normally would, until you get past that barrier that you keep thinking you’re right up against. And then you’re past it and there never was a barrier after all. That’s a nice feeling. That’s its own kind of nourishment, I guess.
The surprising thing about the house stuff has been how prepared I turned out to be to take that on. That’s been a bit of a shock to my self-perception. Everyone close to me has been ultra-supportive, and otherwise I don’t know how I would have moved forward with it. That too has been a bit of a shock.
The negative side of doing-things-too-much is pretty negative. Yet, everyone supports and rewards near-pathological efforts when they’re in a socially acceptable forum. If that condition is met, efforts have intrinsic value. The ends completely justify the means, in these cases. It’s not really a bad thing to overwork, since working hard is such a respectable value. But that brush paints many things, doesn’t it?
The past is essentially changeable through the actions of the present. Distrust becomes trust. Fear becomes love. Very few events are so malignant that they corrode in our memories forever. Things pass, or they become something else; we bring a different focus to past events as more events shift in front of them. And given enough time and altered behavior, things might even seem to disappear into our consciousness.