It’s been over a year since I wrote in this blog! That wasn’t intentional. But, we had a baby.
Having a baby is all the things everyone, everywhere has always said: profound, involving, exhausting, wonderful, etc. All of that is true, if somehow both better and worse than I would have imagined.
Another thing I hear a lot is that people feel this graceful slide into a secondary importance within their own life. That is also true, if very strange. I think for a lot of people this comes as a relief. Kind of how religion — and I mean no offense whatsoever — can serve to relieve the burden of your own self-importance.
I feel it — it’s happening. But it feels like a thing I need to accept, not a peaceful surrender. I’m not resentful; I’m so happy about my daughter. But I do feel a sense of mourning, somehow, at the transition.
I’ve always suffered for being too unfocused, and maybe even a dilettante. I used to think I had no time, that I couldn’t possible do everything I wanted to do.
I had all the time! I had so much time! The indolence! The fucking indolence!